MEMO TO RICK PERRY: GOING TO A SMARTER LOOK DOESN'T MAKE YOU A SMARTER PERSON

Seeking to appear presidential following a weekend of campaigning in Iowa, Rick Perry donned his new glasses and new wingtips on Monday and solemnly announced that, at a cost of $12 million per month, he is mobilizing 1,000 members of the Texas National Guard and deploying them along Texas' southern border.  

"I will not stand idly by while our citizens are under assault," he explained, adding that the Guardsmen will "conduct air and ground operations" aimed at "stemming the tide" of "illegal" mamas and their children seeking to escape the abject poverty, political oppression, gang violence, drug cartels and sex trafficking that is/are rampant in Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador.

[Governor Perry's office declined to offer examples of "citizens" being "under assault" in south Texas, though three sheriffs later shrugged their shoulders and said their south Texas counties had not experienced any uptick in problems since this "tide" began coming in last October.]

While this may make for good political optics per Mr. Perry's almost solid-white voter base, his action, in reality, accomplishes absolutely nothing other than using Texas taxpayer funds to support his---hopeless---presidential run.

First, the wave of immigrant/refugee children streaming up the east coast of Central America and Mexico is not trying to evade U.S. authorities patrolling the border.  To the contrary, they are crossing the border and looking for authorities to whom they can surrender in the hope that they will be taken to the first safe place some will have known in their entire lifetimes.

And, while Mr. Perry has apparently fooled some Texans into thinking that the National Guard troops---or, for that matter, any state or federal representative---can just turn these immigrants/refugees around and send them back to their country of origin, the fact of the matter is that, by law, they can't.  Unless they are from Mexico, they are entitled, under a law proposed by, lobbied for and signed by Republican President George W. Bush in 2008, to a hearing in an American court to determine their status vis a vis qualifying for refugee/asylum status.

[The hypocrisy of Republicans in calling for this law to be rescinded is almost unconscionable, given that they were the loudest section of the chorus demanding that Turkey, Lebanon and Jordan accept over 2,500,000 refugees from war-torn Syria and Iraq.]

Second, the National Guard has absolutely no policing authority along the border---troops cannot physically arrest or detain anyone.  Which puts the lie to Mr. Perry's laughable claims about troops conducting "ground and air operations."  And, which begs the question of what those 1,000 National Guardsmen, at a cost of $12 million per month, are actually going to do. 

When asked that question, the governor---all decked out in his new glasses and new Cole-Haans---said, in words that, regrettably for him, went out to the entire world, "They will be there for the visuals."

The visuals?

In other words, Rick Perry is calling up 1,000 National Guardsmen---taking them away from their families and their jobs---and deploying them on the U.S. side of the Rio Grande in the hope that they will "scare off" tired, hungry, thirsty mamas and children who have just completed the arduous, dangerous, terrifying journey through Central America and Mexico to escape sociopathic drug lords, oppressive poverty, corrupt authorities and international sex-traffickers?

In other words, Rick Perry thinks that the sight of young, clean-shaven National Guardsmen who have no authority to do anything but stand there will be so frightening to these mamas and their kids that, having crossed the Rio Grande, they will reconsider, swim back to the other side and return home to what they just risked life and limb to escape? 

The visuals?

My son is a National Guardsman.  Were he there, he would be far more likely to pick up a couple of those kids, get them some food, get them some water and help them to a waiting bus than to try and scare them off by waving around an unloaded M-16 and saying, "Boo!"

And that's because, like a lot of National Guardsmen I know, he was raised right, has a good heart and is not going to be a cruel pawn in any politician's act of political theatre.

Third, Governor Perry rather presumptively says that he is going to send the $12 million per month bill for deploying National Guard troops as "visuals" to the federal government.  

LOL!!!  

One guesses that the president will quickly inform Mr. Perry that any federal help for the tab he is putting on his state's credit card is contingent on him convincing GOP House members from Texas to convince other members of the GOP Congressional Clown Show to stop obstructing and pass the administration's request for the funds needed to provide necessary enforcement and humanitarian resources along the border.  

Apart from that, one guesses that the president will rightly say to this gubernatorial blowhard, "Hey, I'm glad the Percocet rehab went well.  I like the glasses and the shoes---that's a much better look for you.  But, Rick, about that $12 million per month, well, you're on your own, cowboy!"