McCAIN, GRAHAM & THE RIGHT-WING MAN-CRUSH ON PUTIN

There was a time when protocol demanded that American lawmakers, in time of foreign crisis, leave their differences "at water's edge" and stand shoulder-to-shoulder in support of their president's/country's policies and actions.

The almost pathological enmity that the GOP/Tea Party/American Right feels for Barack Obama has, however, brought that time and that patriotic practice to an unfortunate and unsightly end; they are, the president's opponents, almost obsessed with verbally flaying him per every word he speaks, every step he takes, and the country be damned. One questions, after observing them for the five years of his presidency, whether they can any longer even control their impulses.

The past few months in general and the past week or so in particular, however, have seen the introduction of a curious new element into the GOP's Obama-bashing.  It has become fashionable in Republican/Tea Party/Right-Wing circles to draw comparisons between the president and his Russian counterpart, Vladimir Putin---comparisons in which President Obama, of course, always emerges lacking.

Quite frankly, this new element seems to have been given birth by the snicker-worthy man-crush that Republican power-brokers such as John McCain, Lindsay Graham and Rudy Giuliani have suddenly developed for Mr. Putin.  A man-crush of such intensity that their knee-buckling affections for the object of their adolescent, right-wing fantasies seem to have been given primacy over their allegiance to America's best interests.  They are suddenly all about "Vlady." 

The American Right began to trip over their drooling tongues when Putin, the former KGB executioner/thug become Russia's executioner/thug/president, got serious about his bench press (or, as rumor has it, had pectoral implants surgically inserted in his chest---for which he probably has a good malpractice case), spent some time in his John Boehner-autographed tanning bed, strapped a hunting rifle/a set of skis over his pumped-up delts and had pictures made of his shirtless self riding horseback on safari/skiing down a bunny slope at Sochi.

This manifestation of Putin's laughable need to have his masculinity validated was, I suppose, intended to generate a global epidemic of swooning women who, post-swoon, would immediately click onto Amazon and buy the remaining copies of a shirtless Yul Brynner starring in Taras Bulba. 

And, though FOX News could not provide videos of women in wanton distress lying unconscious on their fainting couches, it did the next best thing: It treated us to an interview with Sarah Palin---who had clearly been spending time in her John Boehner-autographed tanning bed---during which the Wizard of Wasilla broke into heavy breathing and a Nixon-like sweat as she feverishly and a bit too, uh, enthusiastically described Vlady as "a man who goes shirtless, wrestles with bears and drills."

He goes shirtless.  He wrestles with bears.  He drills.

Oh, my!

It was a seriously creepy scene:  The Wanton Woman of Wasilla, a faraway look in her eyes, talking and talking and talking about the "man who goes shirtless, wrestles with bears and drills."  

Surprisingly, however, Putin's beefcake pics, his homophobic invectives, his willingness to arbitrarily "disappear" opponents of his policies, his delusional dream of returning Russia to the days of Soviet primacy in eastern Europe and his unapologetically strong-armed, "muscular," dictatorial rule have also combined to result in a global epidemic of swooning men.  

Well, Republican men.

My annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition used to arrive a couple of days late because it took my mailman those extra couple of days to microscopically examine each picture of a tanned, perfectly-proportioned, perfectly-coiffed (read, the carefully-crafted windblown look), perfectly made-up and perfectly-enhanced young woman wearing virtually nothing.  

Every year he explained that he only "borrowed" it to "read the interview."  But every year he gave himself away by turning down the corners of particular pages and then clipping a note to the cover saying something like "I know you like blondes but, whatever you do, don't miss the brunette on page 56 or the black-haired beauty on page 73."

This year, however, it was not the SI paen to enhancement surgery and cosmetic touch-ups and photoshopping that came late but an issue of TIME with---wait for it!---a full-page cover picture of Vlady.  Though I was spared the mailman doing a Palin-like riff, replete with heavy breathing, excess perspiration and glazed-over eyes, about the shirtless Russian who wrestles with bears and drills, my point is made:  Vladimir Putin is the new BFF poster-boy for the Republican Right.

Tucker Carlson, who once thought that wearing a bow tie gave him intellectual credibility---it didn't!---and now runs the embarrassing ultra-right internet rumor-rag The Daily Caller, actually did two informal polls of his readers this Thursday past.  

The first poll, which featured a picture of a shirtless Vlady hunting for, well, something somewhere (his fans don't seem to care about the details), asked Carlson's Phi Beta Kappa readers to predict the results of a fistfight between Barack Obama or Vladimir Putin.

No, I'm not kidding.  

The second---and, for Carlson, clearly less important---poll simply asked his merry band of flat-earthers whether they would rather Barack Obama or Vladimir Putin occupy the White House.  

When I last looked at the outcome of the votes, Vlady had a significant lead in both races; readers of the Daily Caller thought Vlady could take the president if they duked it out and also wanted Vlady---and, I guess, his new girlfriend, now that his wife's "allotted time with me," as he put it, is over---rather than the Obamas living in the White House.

The most popular topic of dinner conversation at the CPAC convention this week? Why America would be better off with Vladimir Putin instead of Barack Obama as its commander-in-chief!

Along with political opportunists like the almost pathetic John McCain, the "I've-never-seen-an-open-mic-I-could-resist" Lindsey Graham, and Rudy "I'm not irrelevant and I'm not connected" Guiliani, Fans of Vlady seem to have been impressed with the "decisiveness" he exhibited when Russian troops were ordered to cross the border of the sovereign country of Ukraine and occupy the Crimean Peninsula.  

"He's a man of action." gushed Rudy.  "Obama has to think about it and talk to one group of people and think about it some more and talk to another group of people and then think about it some more."  Putin's "decisive action" is characteristic of "a true leader," continued Rudy.  "Obama's hesitation," he said, is not.

Neither McCain nor Graham nor Giuliani nor Palin nor any of the other "decisive do-nothings" on the Right bothered to mention, of course, that Putin was able to be "decisive," able to just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, able to send his country's troops across the border of a sovereign nation in clear violation of settled international law not because he is a "strong leader" but because he is a thug and a dictator.  He can act in impulsive, visceral ways not because he is a "strong leader" but because dictators aren't accountable to anyone for their actions. Which is why Vlady seemed unconcerned by the fact that his own government's polling office found that 75% of Russians thought his actions to be "unlawful" and "wrong."  

The "muscularity" of Putin's "leadership" in Moscow---over which the American Right keeps fawning---stems from nothing more than the fear of opposing him.  We hear, after all, very little from his critics, given that strong cell phone signals are hard to come by in the northern regions of Siberia.  

On the other hand, facing a situation that is fluid, chaotic and unclear, President Obama's willingness to wait for the smoke to clear, to consult with America's allies and to consult with Congress before taking whatever actions might be available to him, signals strong leadership that resists impulsivity, is not distracted by the political chattering-class, and understands what it means to be a democratically-elected chief-of-state.

Despite the ear-splitting, non-stop tongue-wagging of the American Right, I consider it our good fortune that we are not led by a shirtless, bear-wrestling former KGB thug/executioner who rules by dictatorial fiat because he enjoys the fear of his people.  I much prefer a serious-minded president who fully understands the seriousness of the issues we face, considers them with a laser-like focus, acts out of moral and ethical grounding and, unless he's swimming with his family, keeps his shirt on. 

Which sets me apart from folks like John McCain, Lindsey Graham, Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin (in mid-swoon), who seem to have a scratch-your-head preference for Taras Bulba.